It was just yesterday when I was reading out loud to my cousin, Gail, what I wrote on my other blogsite. Wait, it's already 1 'o clock in the morning, if that even counts! LOL. (Durhhh..)
Looking back, reading all about the things I've been through. . . I can honestly say, I have come so far compared to where I was before. I'm truly lucky to be where I am right now. When I was in those dark situations (you know like having one problem to another which it seemed at that point, just no way out), I was worried a lot about what was going to happen to me "tomorrow". In comparison with where I am right now, I don't worry about "tomorrow" that much nor sick worried if there would even a so-called "tomorrow" waiting for me on the other side of the line because I live at this moment while planning for the "future". So many things have changed and thank God for all those trials 'cuz probably He knows I would be tougher and a lot stronger NOW.
It used to be heartbreaking when I used to think about the past. Embarrassingly enough to share but those dilemmas I used to face were:
- Havin' to sleep at a friend's house (because I couldn't turn to my own family/relatives as they were so quickly to judge me everytime they used to see me. I don't know now, I hope their prospective towards me throughout these years have changed.
- Sleeping at a friend's house meant havin' to sleep on a couch. Yep! I didn't have a bed of my own. A feeling of not having a place of my own was kind of degrading to one's self, need not to mention not havin' your own bed. Imagine how it would do to your self-esteem. There was a lot of self-pitying involved in the process. Thank goodness I've learnt the power of positive thoughts.
- When you do not have a place of your own, people tend to look down upon you.
- In short, I was financially unstable.
- And so as attracting a good man was a bit of an issue. I used to be on the edge of things and so I used to fall for "not-a-husband-material". There were guys that would kill to date me (conceited much?) but yep I said it right, "guys" not a "man" whom I badly needed in my life at that point.
- Friends asked me I could no longer stay at their place, it meant having to ask another friend to accommodate me in the meantime. And that became a story of my life for a while.
I seriously do not even know how the hell did I get out of that hole. I wasn't even that wild chick you see at a bar; getting drunk to a comma, so people could judge me as if I deserved whatever it is I used to get. But I guess when people see you on the ground, they tend to push you around even more in order to stay on the ground. (Lesson #1: Nobody can help you to get back up but YOURSELF) I have always dreamt of having a fabulous life. (Don't shoot the girl for dreaming) But I have realized I had to keep my cool and get my act together. I started planning for the future and not for the moment. I stopped blaming the past and just looked forward over what life could bring. With that being said, I also started looking at myself differently. From sleeping on the couch to getting a place of my own. I didn't know how it was gonna happen but I just did it. It is true what they say, "God puts you in a bad situation in order for you to stretch yourself". Although I was not too comfortable or even satisfied with where I was, I needed to do some drastic decisions for myself despite I had nothing on my name. I couldn't picture myself living like that in the future. By the way, I was only 21. Lost soul in the big city.
I was a young dreamer and I envisioned myself somewhere in the city sipping cocktail with my friends, paying for my own drinks. . . going home to my own apartment. And so it did happen. You are only a victim of the situation, only if you let it be. Besides, I was getting tired of moving from one house to another just to look for a place to stay. ( I couldn't stay long at my friend's house for too long so i had to ask another friend to accommodate me). Technically, I was homeless. I could easily go back to my parents' house and just live off from them, but I'm so glad I was a braveheart to stay and live my own dream. . . to become INDEPENDENT.
Nobody would believe what I have been through if they would see me now. Not that I have reached my dream but the way I was pushed around the corner.
Ahhh... and now, I'm engaged with a wonderful "MAN" whom I have been searching for all my life, whom soon to be my husband! I'm the luckiest bitch right now. . . and I am pretty contented. "Pretty contented"? Yup! Because this journey does not stop here. I still want to strive harder in life to become successful. Who doesn't want to be successful? If I have endured all those things, not only being homeless but getting a LOTTTTTT of criticisms and sacrifices, imagine what I can do now that I am officially a "fighter"? I can't wait.
Reading this post all over again help me become inspired once again. I can honestly say I do not want to let the horrible past stop me from having a brighter future! And so are you. I used to think "why me?", and now I can honestly say "Thank You for choosing
ME" because i wouldn't be here writing about all these incredible journey if I did not learn from my mistakes, if I did not stumble. . . I wouldn't be able to get back up and learn to be strong if I did not experience all those horrible things. Got mistreated in the past, fell down but I got back up and raised my middle finger to the world. I just HAD to get up because NOBODY picked me up except my real friends and my sister. Although my relationship with my family improved along the way.
"Imperfection is beauty,
..madness is genius,
and it's better to be absolutely
ridiculous than absolutely boring!"
- Marilyn Monroe
xoxo
